deep thoughts ... part 1

I know it is scary to publish your inner most thoughts to a place where it can be publicly seen, however it probably isn't going to stop me.

I have been thinking lately and i have been wondering about my life and what has brought me to where I am today.

Can I spew my thoughts here for a bit? You know I am going to anyway so you can't really tell me no!

Anyway so I was thinking about the past, and you know one thing that I have to say is that I am very lucky to have met Rachelle when I did. It is true, I am lucky, call it fate or my destiny but I do think about it every now and again.

You see I had 2 very close friends when I was a youngster I am not going to say who or when, because to me it seems quite obvious that anyone who really knows me will know what I am talking about.

It was a strange time for me. The whole adolescence and growing up. I don't know that people realized this about me then, but I think/hope they know it about me now. I was a good kid. I was a good friend. I was and still am one of those people who is really hard to offend. Yeah, I may disagree I may complain a little but I think you will find that I am very loyal.

I think about this every now and again, and yeah it is a difficult thing to think about. I often wonder what it was that caused the situation to be the way it was. I had one very close friend essentially turn on me, causing me a lot of grief. The other just vanished. The funny thing is to this day, I still do not know the real reason for either.

Yeah, it is tough to feel that I was betrayed and left in the dark. But I ... I was the lucky one. I found someone who was able to be there. Someone who was able to stick it out for the long haul. As I mentioned earlier, it was about timing, when I was down and feeling abandoned the one I admire most was introduced to me.

She was there when I needed her, and I ... well I think I was there for her too. We made a great team. We'd sit up late at night and talk until we couldn't talk any more. It was good, it was bad, and at times... it was ugly :)

What more could you want at age 16 but to enjoy the times... They where fun, they where scary and they where without concern of the future; really they where. There isn't a way to be able to understand what your future has to hold for you when you are 16.

heh... it is funny to think about now, what you wouldn't give to go back and do it again.


So I know what your thinking... Matt has gone mad! Well have I? Nah, I don't think so. Here's the thing though. If you are a part of the story its good, think about it. It is a good story.

For the family and friends reading this, understand that this is just me thinking out loud... I am not rereading this myself for fear that if I do it will simply be deleted. So if you read this, and are wanting more, don't. Because I don't know if I will post more or if I will not.

Yes it is true that I am an internalizer, albeit good or bad that is what I do. I process, re-process, then process again...

Race Season...

I have started my 2009 running season. I know you are thinking what is a fat guy like Matt doing running in races... The answer my friends is ... running slow :)

I actually got on the treadmill today. It is a fact, I am fat and out of shape. I have been here before and I will overcome. See honey, I am not all doom and gloom any more.

This fatboy will succeed once again! I can tell you that I will not be running the SRQ marathon this year, but I will be working very hard at beating my Mini 13.1 mile goal of 2hrs.

Last year I did the Indianapolis Mini in 2:10:05 I am more than certain that I can shave 10:05 off my time. I just have to push and push hard!

So wish me luck, and remind me often... The goal is in sight!

this year 1:59:59 will be met!

-me-